ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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