we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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