You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
