I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
