In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
