It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
