He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
