finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
