so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
