last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
