Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
