my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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