the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
