I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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