what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
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