Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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