No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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