i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
