his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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