Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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