if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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