Where is the hickey?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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