My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you will always have a special place in my vag
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
