Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
