He disabled his match.com account in front of me
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
