I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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