If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
