Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
