Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
