I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My penis needs a shock collar
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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