so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
