so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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