i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i already hear my dad disowning me
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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