I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
