It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
