so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
