I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
