You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
