I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Let's paint friendship bongs
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
