O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
