went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
