You're so nebulous sometimes
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
