Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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