so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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