All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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