I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
