Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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