No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
