My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
