Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
