I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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