My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
