she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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