right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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