yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
