At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
