My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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